Why Haven’t You Updated Your Estate Plan?

Be forewarned. I am going to be candid here: Whatever excuse you just gave? It is just that—an excuse.

First, it’s important to recognize that we all have dysfunctional families to some degree.

Maybe you are facing substance or alcohol abuse, your kids are not getting along or there are others that don’t understand the value of a dollar. Maybe you have family members that live in a way you don’t agree with or maybe you’re worried about what a divorce could do to the legacy you leave behind.

Perhaps you are blessed with none of these, but fear your family being ripped apart by money when you die. Perhaps you realize that fair is not equal, but fear that your children won’t see and understand it the same way. Maybe you have a business, a ranch, or a sentimental piece of real estate. What is equal or fair when you have more than one child?

The silver lining in all of this is that you are not alone. These issues are increasingly common. The sad thing is that they create stalemates when it shouldn’t.

I want to tell you a story of a man that waited until the last hour to update his estate plan. He had two children. His daughter was a very successful executive living in the city. He didn’t worry about her a day in his life. He was very proud of her and knew that she would never need anything financially from him. His son was the light of his life, but just couldn’t seem to get his life on track. He spent much of his time in and out of rehab. When he was sober, things were great. The fear was always not if, but when he would start using again.

His estate planning was not about the money, so he kept putting it off. Who would take care of his son when he was gone? That wasn’t fair to his daughter, he thought, not to mention that he could also see that she had come to resent her brother for taking advantage of their dad. Not having a plan ate him up, so he tried not to think about it - and ultimately did nothing.

The last hour arrived too soon. He learned that he had brain cancer and had only a few months to live. He updated his estate plan, but not for the better. He left all of his money to his son in a trust with very little directives. He left nothing to his daughter. This was not because he didn’t love her. He did and he was very proud of her. He didn’t leave her anything because he knew she would be okay.  Worse than this, he told her nothing.

Upon his passing, his son could not deal with the grief and was never sober again. His daughter was heartbroken. She didn’t understand what happened. Had she done something wrong? Did he not love her? These are questions she would endure the rest of her life.

In hindsight it’s easy to see how something could have been done differently. What if he had told his daughter what his plans were and why? What if he had written her a letter? Maybe he could never say no to his son. What if he actually did say no? Could this one word have changed everything for his children’s relationship with one another? What if he had put language in the trust to plan for his son’s substance abuse or had found a program in advance to help survivors with substance issues?

Updating your estate plan may be hard. Scratch that. It will be hard. Family dynamics aren’t always easy. And when you add money to the equation….well, it can change everything and not always for the better.

Ultimately, though, what is harder? Facing it now or having your family deal with the consequences of you not facing it, after you’re gone?

We have had the honor to serve families for over 35 years and helping them plan their legacy. What you leave behind when you die is about so much more than the money. It is not just an estate. It is a legacy. And our number one goal is that yours is carried out just the way you planned with good Christmases and Thanksgivings after you are gone! If you need help, give us a call.